Honestly now...I truly hate my id. If there was medication specifically targeting & inhibiting one's id, I'd be an addict. One resolution for this year that I'm willing to share: the attempt to balance my id, ego, & superego. If one is confused about the terminology just given, here's some general insight. In psychology, Sigmund Freud categorized the human personality into 3 forms: the id, ego, & superego.
The id is one's raw instinct. Their negative side. Their darker side that craves satisfaction of all forms & exhibit jealousy, anger, pride, selfishness, revenge, etc. The ego is one's perfectionist side. The side that seeks 100% & positivity. It is the exact opposite of the id & tells one to be moral. Thus, it feels guilt the most when perfection & morality are not successful. The superego is the mediator between the id & ego. It is the one that uses common sense & enforces which between the two is more practical during a certain event & is more in contact with the external environment. Think of the old school cartoons: one's conscience with the little angel on one shoulder (ego), the little devil on the other (id), & the person in the middle (superego).
Back to me now. In general, my personality normally exhibits the id, ego, and superego equally. However, it's obvious that when problems & issues arrise, I tend to be id-dominant. My instincts take over. I want those who mess with me to feel it. Sometimes, common sense & trying to do the right thing is hard to grasp. And I despise it. I get angry & bitter & "sungit" (tagalog for "moody"). I can say things...irreversible things...that I would regret, & it'd be too late. I hate it primarily due to the fact that sometimes, I can't control it. Emotions of anger & bitterness take over & the worst part: loved ones take notice. When I'm angry...I get really ANGRY. I don't want my ego & superego to be overtaken & eventually be diminished by the id.
I'm doing my best to control it. I'm trying hard to bite this tongue of mine that can talk alot of shit & has the potential to hurt others. Regrettably, I've already hurt a few because of it but luckily, many of them have come back & have forgiven me. I don't want want my id to do something I will regret again. As of late, I'm having a hard time trusting someone extremely close to me & I don't want to look at this person under a bad light, & vice versa. This should not happen under any circumstances.
Right now, I'm praying that God can help control this part of me & give me the strength to call my superego to the rescue when my id is on the rise, to control it, & to bring me back to common sense. So far, this is the hardest task & resolution that I've ever attempted.
Don't get it twisted. I'm still the same old me. I truly love my family & friends & I'm still generous, helpful, a listener, & a shoulder to cry on when someone needs me. I give off love & normally happiness. But in the words of the Incredible Hulk...don't make me angry...you wouldn't want to see me when I'm angry...& when that does happen...I NEED HELP.
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